Vancouver Queer Film Festival Review: Queer History Project Retrospective

For all the people (including me) who missed any of the Queer History Project films from past years! I’ve already reviewed the five shorts in Riffs on the Theme of Activism so I won’t cover them here, but it was lovely seeing them again. Given the choice I might have skipped them since it was almost midnight when I came out of the theatre, but I’m not complaining. Too much.

For all the people (including me) who missed any of the Queer History Project films from past years! I’ve already reviewed the five shorts in Riffs on the Theme of Activism so I won’t cover them here, but it was lovely seeing them again. Given the choice I might have skipped them since it was almost midnight when I came out of the theatre, but I’m not complaining. Too much.

The Love That Won’t Shut Up

Half a dozen elderly gay men and lesbians and one trans man talk about their lives: first sexual experiences, first loves, coming out in the 60’s, all accompanied with archival or personal photos. Fascinating and insightful look at the lives and politics of the time.

The Portside

This gives us a glimpse of a somewhat fictionalised gay/lesbian bar of the 60’s or 70’s (I think inspired by the Vanport) with all the requisite cliches: a tired old drag queen entertainer, asshole straight guys, breakups, closets, politics, raids, and the whole butch/femme thing, all in one glorious night. The acting was a bit wooden and the dialog stilted, but the whole thing is hilarious and cleverly done. A great look at the gay nightlife of yesteryear.

Rex vs. Singh

In 1915 two Sikh men, Naina Singh and Dalep Singh, were accused of “gross indecency” (specifically, propositioning police officers) and brought to court. This movie, done in several part by 3 different directors, tries to get at the truth through court transcripts and other contemporaneous documents by recreating the events as in a courtroom drama. In addition, history professor Brent Ingram discusses some of the wider issues and politics surrounding the case. This was a time of de facto segregation between whites, Chinese, Japanese and South Asians Vancouverites; a time when the Canadian government did its best to limit immigration of non-white people, and policemen regularly used entrapment to charge South Asian men with the terribly vague crime of gross indecency.

We don’t know what really happened. Were the detectives really propositioned? Were Misters Singh and Singh convicted? We don’t have the answers and probably never will, but at least we know enough to ask these questions. All in all, a fascinating look at a long-forgotten and shameful chapter of Vancouver history.

The Gay Spirit

Brand-new this year, a collage of old photos of Pride marches, protests and other Vancouver events, from 1981 (our first Pride march) until today. And hey, the VGVA marched in 1984! It was only 5 years old then!

Vancouver Queer Film Festival Review: Reflection/Refraction

Well, that was different! In this show 5 short films were each paired with one piece of performance art (spoken word, dance, song, music) right there in the theatre. Short films + performance art + artist Q&A = Awesome!

Well, that was different! In this show 5 short films were each paired with one piece of performance art (spoken word, dance, song, music) right there in the theatre. Short films + performance art + artist Q&A = Awesome!

In My Heart The Travel Agent, a very short collage of sounds and scenes from subways/metros around the world is incorporated by Isolde N. Barron into a catchy dance number to ATC’s Around the World.

Trans man Kyle Shaughnessy responds to Dyke Pussy, a weird short of little cat figurines, with a powerful demand for respect and desire for his front-facing man-hole. In the Q&A he admits the title of the film is what prompted the angry rant. Something less cisgendered and more inclusive might have led to something tamer and more explicitly political.

After You Are A Lesbian Vampire hilariously deconstructs the romance of vampirism, Swann Barat and Lise Monique Oakley pick up the vampire theme with an eerie drumming number, complete with rich red sheets, black dresses and a mock vampire bite at the end.

No Safe Words is a disturbing collage mixing sports, bondage, muscleboys on Pride floats and frat hazing. Jesse McMass-Sparvier then performs a wordless interpretive dance to the repeated soundtrack. The theme was oppression and bondage, both physical and cultural. However, I don’t think it added anything really new.

In Invitation, Michael V. Smith invites us to get naked with him, and to love our bodies—or at least get a new perspective on them. This one hit particularly hard because my body’s not too different from Michael’s, and I’ve dealt with similar demons. Joel Klein and Karen Lee-Morgan run with the theme of brutal honesty with a funny song urging you to tell everything—everything—to your partner.

Vancouver Queer Film Festival Review: The Wise Kids

I just don’t have the words to express how amazing The Wise Kids is. Smart, moving, thoughtful, relentlessly positive? It’s all those things and more. I left the theatre all warm and happy and uplifted. Not bad for a movie about gayness and Evangelical Christianity, eh? Mark my words: this movie will win the VQFF People’s Choice Award, hands down.

I just don’t have the words to express how amazing The Wise Kids is. Smart, moving, thoughtful, relentlessly positive? It’s all those things and more. I left the theatre all warm and happy and uplifted. Not bad for a movie about gayness and Evangelical Christianity, eh?

This is the story of three friends, over the summer before they leave their South Carolina town for college: we have Laura, hardcore and devout, planning to go to a religious college not far away; Tim, equally devout, gay and quite okay with it, dreaming of going to film school in New York City; Brea, the preacher’s daughter who’s starting to doubt her faith, also headed for New York.

One of the stunning things about this movie is how it avoids the more annoying cliches of coming-out stories: there’s no gay-bashing scene, no gay angst, no fire-and-brimstone sermons, no harsh us-vs-them divisions. Tim starts out comfortably gay and confident that God loves him no matter what. The worse that happens to him is Laura and a couple of others saying it’s wrong and a sin, but they never reject him. His family also tentatively accepts him, though he doesn’t seem out to the rest of his community and it’s not clear how they would feel.

This movie made me think about faith. Now, you all know I’m an atheist. I have no use for religion, superstition, holy books, and all that jazz. I believe that on the whole, faith-based and magical thinking are not positive things. But The Wise Kids drew me into these kids’ world and made me sympathetic to their beliefs, or at least how they live their beliefs.

Laura’s faith is a rock, an anchor, in her words as solid and real as a chair or her close friendship with Brea (I won’t take apart that simile). She believes that the Bible is the literal Word of God, every line of it. You can’t pick and choose what you believe; either the entire Bible is holy, or none of it is. And some might say that very solidity is a comfort, but it’s also mixed with fear: specifically, that Brea and Tim are going to hell and she won’t get to be with them in Heaven. And like an anchor her faith is holding her in place: of her circle she’s the only one who’s not moving far away for college, and the only one who will attend a religious school. But maybe, just maybe, that’s okay. Maybe she’ll be happy not blazing trails or exploring the world, but taking care of sick animals in her community.

Tim’s faith is a light, brightening the world around him. His God is not in a book, but everywhere: God’s love is evident in the sun and the sky, the birds and flowers, and the hearts of all the people around. During the movie he was almost always goofy and smiling and cheerful (and when he wasn’t it was for a damn good reason). There’s no fear in him, and though he promised to keep Brea in his prayers every night, I didn’t get the impression he was afraid of God smacking her down for being an unbeliever—because his God is as loving as he is.

Brea’s faith is a puzzle, to be questioned and examined. She starts out small, openly wondering if “because our elders say so” is a good enough reason to believe something, soon moving on to googling “bible contradictions” and “religions before christ”. All attempts to discuss her doubts are dismissed with reassurances that doubting is a phase that everyone goes through, and God is bigger than her questions. To which she replies, “What does that mean?” And is then told to stop thinking so much.

I thought Brea’s first tentative steps towards unbelief were treated well, with very realistic questions that a doubting believer would have. Most of all, the audience isn’t hit over the head with a “religion is false” anvil, which would have been totally inappropriate for this kind of movie.

Though the movie does take pains to portray this Evangelical community fairly, it’s hardly all sweetness and light. Underneath an aggressive Jesus-fueled cheerfulness, there’s a dark underbelly of hypocrisy, pain and confusion: special mention goes to the pastor coming to grips with his gayness. The first time we saw him I thought he’d be played for laughs, a stereotypically queeny control freak directing the church’s Easter pageant, clearly attracted to Tim. Things get serious when he actually makes a pass at Tim (and immediately regrets it). Things get very serious when he comes out to Tim at Christmas, and plaintively adds, “but I don’t know what to do!”

Even then, the movie doesn’t dwell on angst. We don’t know where their paths will take them, but I don’t doubt for a second that these three kids are going to be okay, each in their own way, and so is the pastor. If that’s faith, it’s a faith I can live with.

Vancouver Queer Film Festival Review: Strapped

It’s no secret I’m a sucker for a good twisty mind-fuck. Hell, I’m the only one of my friends who really liked Pornography: A Thriller, let alone thought it was the best film of the festival last year. I also have fond memories of Half-Life from the year before, which similarly left a lot of people scratching their heads.

Strapped wasn’t quite up to the level of these two films. The mind-fuck wasn’t that twisty, the writing itself took itself a little too seriously, and the symbolism was too heavy-handed. Not that it stopped me from enjoying the movie.

It’s no secret I’m a sucker for a good twisty mind-fuck. Hell, I’m the only one of my friends who really liked Pornography: A Thriller, let alone thought it was the best film of the festival last year. I also have fond memories of Half-Life from the year before, which similarly left a lot of people scratching their heads.

Strapped wasn’t quite up to the level of these two films. The mind-fuck wasn’t that twisty, the writing itself took itself a little too seriously, and the symbolism was too heavy-handed. Not that it stopped me from enjoying the movie.

The film starts with a man taking a hustler up to his apartment. After their encounter (which leaves his client relaxed and happy and feeling “free”), the hustler collects his money, steals a small figurine of a griffon, and tries to leave the apartment building—but can’t. Exit signs point to dead ends, corridors all look alike. After a bit of wandering he finds stairs, but is accosted by a man who calls him “Eddie” (not the name he gave his client; I think that was “Alex”), insists he knows him, and invites him to his place down the hall. The hustler (oh hell, let’s call him Eddie for now) decides to play along, which includes matching his new friend Leon’s campier behaviour.

At the party Eddie strips (for money), blows one of the guys (for more money) and then leaves. Wandering the halls some more he’s accosted by a hunky young father who agrees to show him the way out, but really wants to take him down to the laundry room to suck his dick and lick his ass. And then punch him in the nose. Eddie is saved by the arrival of a nice older gentleman who takes him up to his place in the attic, then fills him (and the audience) in a little on the nature of the building.

Eddie, it seems is stuck in some kind of maze or labyrinth. Not the same concept, as Jeff, the older gentleman, exposits: a maze is a trap, designed to lead you astray and hide the way out. A labyrinth, on the other hand, is a journey with no choices, no confusion. You have to keep going and eventually you’ll reach your destination. Eddie, Jeff says, is “lost” but the young father who attacked him is “trapped”—in lies, in false labels and names.

And then they fuck. Seems to be a recurring theme. On his way down the stairs Eddie meets Gary, one of the people at Leon’s party, who also invites him to his place. Gary admits that he’s intensely attracted to Eddie, has actually dreamed about him, and wants to kiss him. For money. No fucking, no blowing, just five minutes of making out to fill a hole in Gary’s soul. Eddie initially refuses, since kissing is far too intimate for him, but Gary keeps offering him more money, and he finally accepts.

They make out, and it’s apparently transcendant. So good, in fact, that they both have spontaneous orgasms with their pants still on. Gary is satisfied, both physically and spiritually, and Eddie himself is awed by the experience. Before leaving he gives Gary the griffon figurine he stole, and easily finds the way out: a very ritzy-looking spiral staircase, leading down to a rather pretty lobby. But before stepping out into the sunlit street, Eddie makes a choice: he runs back up the stairs, back into Gary’s arms.

The end.

So… that was kind of interesting. It had some good elements, but in hindsight I don’t think they really meshed together. In my original tweet I called this movie “Jacob’s Ladder with hustlers”, and I stand by that. Whereas Jacob was going through a kind of purgatory and needed to ascend to heaven (I think; I mean, that movie was seriously ambiguous), Strapped tacked on elements of spiritual awakening through sex that kinda left me cold. Plus, some symbols really didn’t add up. What about the rain and leaky roof in Jeff’s attic apartment? Did it represent his higher spiritual awareness (because, hey, attic) and openness to the true outside world? What exactly did the griffon represent? Eddie was trapped in the building after he stole it, and found the way out after he gave it up. What should I read into this? Was it attachment, possession, harmful patterns in Eddie’s life that he had to choose to break?

And who were all these other characters? Souls also lost or trapped, or manifestations of the building existing only for Eddie, serving as obstacles or spiritual stations on his journey? Gyorgy, Eddie’s first client, felt “free” after getting fucked and spilling his guts and true name, implying that he was real, and would find his way out soon. If, then, all the other characters are real, is the building just a metaphor for life, and the quest for enlightenment? If so, what does it say about Eddie that he chose to stay? Is love better than enlightenment?

Am I totally overthinking this? Ehh, maybe. That’s okay, though. I had fun watching the movie, and fun writing this review, and that’s what counts, right?

Vancouver SkeptiCamp 2011

Another SkeptiCamp, another day of mingling with other smart folks, and learning some interesting stuff. Here are the highlights:

Another SkeptiCamp, another day of mingling with other smart folks, and learning some interesting stuff. Here are the highlights:

Magnetic Putty, nanodots and a sextant

Carrie brought along a batch of goodies from the Langara Physics lab, for participants to play with during breaks. These included a real old-school sextant, a bunch of nanodots (tiny spherical magnets that can be strung together into attractive shapes) and some kind of weird dark-grey putty that reacts to magnets. Place a magnet nearby and the stuff will—very slowly, we’re talking on the order of 5 to 10 minutes here—move to engulf it. It’s amazingly cool in a “grey goo” kind of way.

A New Cosmology

This spot was supposed to be about “Psychological and Rhetorical Pitfalls in Oppositional Dialogues” but the speaker canceled on account of the flu. Instead we got Michael Jones showing us a pamphlet some crackpot gave him on the skytrain, about how all scientists are wrong and a new cosmological paradigm is just around the corner. Because if I had a revolutionary scientific paradigm, the skytrain is totally the forum I’d publish in. On a scale of 0 to Crazy, it was a bit less nutty than Timecube, but still pretty damn entertaining.

The Greenwashing of Lightbulbs

Marilee and Douglas Welch detailed some of the bogus claims around modern lightbulbs, in particular their health benefits. Surprisingly (though I guess it’s not that surprising when you think about it) “full-spectrum” lights have less effect on SAD and circadian rhythms than cool spectrum lights. The reason is that since we evolved outside, under a blue sky, our eyes and our brains respond more to blue light. Neat!

Greg Bole

Darwin impersonator Greg Bole is a common fixture at SkeptiCamp. He covered a few aspects of the creation/evolution debate, and showed us a picture of himself with a bronze statue of Darwin. Hey, young Darwin was a hottie! I’d totally hit that

How to Not Be A Dick

A surprising number of talks focused on the dialog between skeptics and atheists, and everybody else. One talk (by an ex-Mormon) dealt with Mormons in particular, with the bottom line that when you’re discussing someone else’s beliefs you need to make damn sure you know what you’re talking about. Another, “Friendships, Skepticism and Social Media” detailed an instance of woosters defriending a woman who posted a skeptical / anti-homeopathy note. Interesting overall, and I like how Phil Plait’s “Don’t Be A Dick” speech is still causing waves in the skeptic community

And then a bunch of us went for dinner at The Cove on 4th Avenue. Followed by watching the fireworks from Jericho Beach. The show was pretty enough, but the music frankly sucked and the group of loud drunk assholes didn’t help at all.

Vancouver Queer Film Festival Review: Beautiful Rejects

A few short films on the theme of love and rejection.

A few short films on the theme of love and rejection.

I’m In The Mood For Love

A singing telegram in a restaurant to try to win your ex back? The singer was way cute and had a lovely voice, but the film was so-so. Nice hat, though!

Teddy

A teddy bear becomes a symbol of a failed relationship. I’m not sure what I should read from the subtext: did Neil really want to keep the teddy bear? Would keeping it mean that he and his ex (Peter?) really were through? Or that he’d have no more reason to visit New Zealand? I’ll tell you, though, I did get emotional when I saw the teddy sitting all alone at the train station!

A Dragged-Out Affair

The first rule of drag is: drag queens do not fall in love with each other! In this pants-wettingly hilarious film, two queens from rival clubs fall for each other and start a war between their respective clans. Slapfights, hyper-stylised dance-offs, hilarity and arson ensue. Also, I learned how drag queens make love. It apparently involves locks and keys and feathers.

Single Mother

Another bit of over-the-top silliness. Our unnamed hero wants to have a child so badly he’ll do almost anything—nannying, adoption. But is he destined to go through increasingly weird dreams of babies just out of reach? Will our hero ever find a child to love, or will a hunky father move in next door and start a family with him? Oh, sorry, did I just spoil it?

Go-Go Reject

Skinny geeks represent! Daniel dreams of being a go-go dancer, but no club will hire him because he’s too skinny. Undaunted, he puts together his own dance troupe of skinny guys and shows everyone that sexy comes in all sizes.

(Although let’s face it, the actors are only skinny compared to the usual buff go-go boys. I still appreciate the message!)

Vancouver Queer Film Festival Review: Gun Hill Road

I didn’t originally plan to go see this movie, since it looked a little too grim and gritty for my taste. But then I ended up winning tickets at the Summer Fling grass tournament last week so hey, I guess I was going to see it after all!

I didn’t originally plan to go see this movie, since it looked a little too grim and gritty for my taste. But then I ended up winning tickets at the Summer Fling grass tournament last week so hey, I guess I was going to see it after all!

Gun Hill Road is the story of three people: Enrique, recently out of prison and trying to rebuild his life; his bright and creative son Michael, who is transitioning into Vanessa; Enrique’s wife Angela, the ever-suffering voice of reason, determined to keep the family together and protect Vanessa.

I was right, this was definitely a challenging movie. Enrique’s stubborn macho pride crashes head-on into Vanessa’s insistence to live life her own way, and the hard realities of working for a living and putting up with idiot bosses.

And, even more tragically, Enrique wastes no time getting together with his old posse, and getting up to the same tricks that got him sent “up North” in the first place. Even worse was beating the crap out of another ex-con, which ended up getting him arrested again. There’s a lot that wasn’t said, but it’s implied that Enrique was raped in prison, more pain that a macho guy like him can only express through violence and fierce control.

Not that Vanessa comes out a whole lot better, in my opinion, because she also does a whole lot of stupid shit. Some of it can be excused by her youth and naivete, but really, getting shot up with bootleg hormones and whatever the hell that stuff was to give her a fuller ass? On the other hand, her experience with her boyfriend was as much exploring her sexuality as anything else, and she does eventually find self-respect.

Enrique and Vanessa do eventually take the first steps towards reconciliation, or at least lack of conflict, but by then it’s far too late. And I started wondering, was this all for nothing? Has Enrique made too many mistakes that he can no longer find his way? Has Vanessa learned anything from their brief truce, or is she more convinced than ever that her life’s better off without an overbearing father? A bit depressing, maybe, but that’s life. There are no easy answer, only choices, and their consequences.

Vancouver Queer Film Festival Review: To Faro

And we’re off! The VQFF started with… well, not a bang, exactly, but a nice low-key burn. To Faro is a subtitled German film (original title: Mein Freund Aus Faro, or My Friend From Faro) about a young butch lesbian who falls in love with a teenage girl (who thinks she’s a guy named Miguel) while her oblivious family thinks she’s dating a guy. Also named Miguel.

And we’re off! The VQFF started with… well, not a bang, exactly, but a nice low-key burn. To Faro is a subtitled German film (original title: Mein Freund Aus Faro, or My Friend From Faro) about a young butch lesbian who falls in love with a teenage girl (who thinks she’s a guy named Miguel) while her oblivious family thinks she’s dating a guy. Also named Miguel.

This was an interesting movie, about one-third comedy and two-thirds drama. I almost called it a tragedy, because you can see the shit coming a mile away, but that’d be a little over the top. Still, even though the queer character doesn’t die at the end (hey, progress!), this is not a movie where the girl gets the girl. As much as I hoped for a happy ending*, there was no way Mel and Jenny would end up together.

(* The VQFF site described it as “Boys Don’t Cry with a happy ending”. Yeah. No.)

It wasn’t an entirely sad ending, mind you, just… bittersweet, and very open-ended. Mel decides she’s had enough of her empty life, the go-nowhere job she just quit, the family that doesn’t understand her, the homophobic snots surrounding the love interest who doesn’t love her back, and decides to pack up and move to Portugal. To Faro, in particular, where both her imaginary Miguels come from? Will Nuno, her partner in lies, join her in her travels, or will he talk her into staying? We don’t know, and I suspect we’re supposed to write our own endings.

Which is okay with me, and I have a feeling Mel will be all right. She’s tasted love, and tasted heartbreak, and has something to shoot for besides lying in fields, watching planes take off and land.

PS: And hey, this was my first VQFF opening gala! The movie was preceded by a couple speeches, and a showing of the very very awesome winner of the Out in Schools Anti-Homophobia PSA contest, the very very awesome makers of which were in the audience.

PPS: And then I swung by Club 560 for the opening gala party, but I didn’t stay long. I did enjoy the technicolor cotton candy, though!

Davie Village Walk with Gordon Price

How and why is Davie Village a gay neighbourhood? How did gays shape it? And where is it going in the 21st century? All these questions and more were answered last night in a guided history walk hosted by Gordon Price, city councillor from 1986–2002, writer and consultant, who came to Vancouver in 1978 as a fresh-faced gay man.

How and why is Davie Village a gay neighbourhood? How did gays shape it? And where is it going in the 21st century? All these questions and more were answered last night in a guided history walk hosted by Gordon Price, city councillor from 1986–2002, writer and consultant, who came to Vancouver in 1978 as a fresh-faced gay man.

We started out by English Bay Beach, which was a gay cruising ground back in 1978, known apparently as “the pansy patch.” It wasn’t the only one, though, and gay territories would shift over the years. Cruising spots like parks, beaches and bars were the first gay-identified spaces; it was in these places that gay men explored and celebrated their sexuality, and connected with each other.

(Incidentally: nowadays you could fairly say that everywhere in Davie Village is gay territory.)

Our first stop was corner of Pendrell & Nicola, near Lord Roberts Elementary, where we addressed the question, why here? What made this neighbourhood one that gay men would choose? Well, there were a few factors: lots of rental space (mostly 1-bedroom apartments), plenty of bars and entertainment nearby, and good transit—perfect for a mobile, unattached population with disposable income looking to hook up. You’ll find similar conditions pretty much all gay ghettoes around the world.

We segued into a discussion of the physical history of the Village’s houses and buildings. That street corner was an excellent vantage point to see all the layers, all the decades side by side: a circa-1890 2 ½ storey house just up the street, a lovely 1920’s apartment building on the corner (the Princess Charlotte), plainer highrises built in the 60’s and 70’s… It’s all there.

Queen Charlotte Apts

The Village saw massive construction in the 50’s, 60’s and early 70’s: many of these old homes were razed to make way for modern apartments, communities were displaced, and it was a very traumatic time. But let’s not romanticise the past: these new apartments had running water, electricity, privacy, and at least a kitchenette. Compared to the overcrowded old heritage houses, pretty and historic though they were, this must have been heaven.

Besides, it’s what made it possible for gays to settle here. Can’t argue with results like that.

Next stop: St Paul’s Church, where we discussed the rise of street prostitution in the West End in the 70’s and early 80’s. Long story short, prostitutes (all genders) and their johns were creating a massive nuisance for residents, many of whom by now had a stake in their community, and perceived a very real risk of the Village turning into a red light district. They formed a group, Concerned Residents Of the West End, which succeeded in driving street prostitution out of the West End through some interesting legal tricks. Here again, it was the gays that took charge and reinvented their neighbourhood.

Gordon Price and St Paul's

One last short walk, ending up at Bute and Davie. In the shadow of J Lounge and Hamburger Mary’s—checking out the fierce drag queens and pretty muscle boys—we recapped all we’d seen, and asked ourselves where it was all going. Would Davie Village still stay gay? Will young gay men have as easy a time finding a place here as they did 30 years ago?

Bottom line: it’s impossible to tell. The West End has continually reinvented itself, and will continue to do so as long as it exists. New people, new communities, new ideas will pour in; the neighbourhood will absorb them and weave something from the old and the new.

This morning I took the long route to my bus stop, walking up Nicola to Georgia. It was a beautiful stretch, mostly heritage homes and low-rises, until I hit Robson, and then BAM! Back in the big city. The West End is truly a special place, and I feel more connected to it than ever. I am very, very lucky to live where I live, to be part of something like this.

Not a bad way to kick off Pride Week!

You don’t appreciate what you have when you’ve had it all your life

Last Friday I went to a friend of mine’s Oath of Citizenship ceremony. He’s originally from the States, has been living here in Vancouver with his husband for years, and made the choice to become an official Canuck. That means a lot. I was born here, so were my parents, and their parents, and their parents; never lived anywhere else except for 6 months in Belgium when I was 8. I don’t really think much about Canadianness except when listening to The Arrogant Worms’ heart-stirring national anthem, Canada’s Really Big, or bitching about our dead-eyed Bush-wannabe PM.

Last Friday I went to a friend of mine’s Oath of Citizenship ceremony. He’s originally from the States, has been living here in Vancouver with his husband for years, and made the choice to become an official Canuck. That means a lot. I was born here, so were my parents, and their parents, and their parents; never lived anywhere else except for 6 months in Belgium when I was 8. Canada is always around me, and I don’t really think much about Canadianness except when listening to The Arrogant Worms’ heart-stirring national anthem, Canada’s Really Big, or bitching about our dead-eyed Bush-wannabe PM.

And I’d never been to this kind of ceremony, so hey, new experiences all around! I was a bit disappointed that my friend was only one of 70-odd new Canadians, but I guess if they went one at a time we’d be there all day. The judge started out with a silly, rambly speech about how this was like these people’s alternate birthday, and on every July 22nd from now on, they might want to bake a cake with red and/or white frosting. And the frosting had to contain maple syrup, so we’d taste the Canadianness. I don’t know, it was like the Food Network or something.

His more formal remarks, about how Canada has a long history of both democracy and embracing diversity, were a lot better. He mentioned several cultural festivals that are widely celebrated at least in Vancouver, like Chinese New Year and Persian New Year, and for a second I totally waited for him to mention Pride… but it never came. Bummer.

There wasn’t a whole lot of ritual, but what there was was all right: a quick oath of allegiance to the Queen (holy book optional; my friend had a copy of Dawkins’ The God Delusion), and a promise to obey Canadian laws, then singing the national anthem. It’s been a while, and I’m glad I remembered the words. Being the only one singing in French probably didn’t help because I had to tune out all the other singers around me.

The only sticking point was swearing allegiance to a monarch. Now don’t get me wrong, Liz is a classy lady, and I know she’s a package deal with Canadian citizenship, but I have personally no use for royalty or aristocracy. No, I didn’t stay up all night to watch two overprivileged youngsters get married or make fun of Princess Beatrice’s crazy hat.

But whatever, this is a joyous occasion! This is a good country to live in, and I’m happy that someone chose Canada, Queen and all!