Apocalypse Then And Now

Exhibit A: an ancient, horribly low-budget film about the Rapture.

Exhibit B: They’re making a video game based on the Left Behind movies.

Exhibit A: an ancient, horribly low-budget film about the Rapture.

I guess what’s really shocking isn’t the bargain-basement production values, or the dull pacing, it’s the cheap and mundane fears being peddled. Maids going missing? Milk not delivered on time? A lot of open graves? All right, they get into rivers of blood and so on near the end, and the bit about vanishing doctors and train engineers is a bit worrying… but, you know, that could be avoided by forbidding born-again Christians from performing critical tasks since they could be raptured any time. “Do not operate heavy machinery while saved.” Which, by the way, raises the question: assuming for the moment it’s real, how many people will actually vanish during the Rapture? In other words, who are the Real Christians™? Well, even the self-identified born-again can’t agree on that one; but the requirements must be pretty harsh, so the number of raptured people is probably small. I’ll just guess offhand they’re mostly—though not exclusively—in the Bible Belt, rural, on average less educated (not many heart surgeons, then). And they’d tend to cluster, so whole communities would be carried off together. Here in Canada I guess we’d lose… Abbotsford? Meh, I can live with that.

The film continues with more tales of Sugarcandy Mountain, about how wonderful it’ll be to fly through the air away from from the woes of this world, heartache and war and icky unbelievers. But the way they blame Christians for the sufferings of unbelievers who are doomed to live through the Tribulation (and could have been reached if only you the viewer had witnessed just a little bit harder) is frankly sick. Just what fundie nuts need: in addition to fear of God and fear of the Devil, now they’ve got to deal with the guilt that rightfully belongs to their so-called loving deity as he maims and smites.

Digging around I found another film by this guy, helpfully explaining why we need Christ’s loving dynamite to turn our hearts to manure, which will then undergo nuclear fusion. Or something. I may have tuned out a couple of times.

Exhibit B: They’re making a video game based on the Left Behind movies.

I saw a few minutes of the first Left Behind movie years ago (the bit where every True Xian™ vanishes, leaving their clothes and possessions behind), then I changed the channel. What was the point? I’d read the Book of Revelation, I knew how the story was going to play out. Although I guess the Bible didn’t have some tragically hunky reporter witnessing the last days. (Well, sorta hunky. I used to think Kirk Cameron was soooo hot, back in the day. Now? Not so much.) But underneath the special effects, it’s just the same warmed-over crap. And now that crap becomes interactive. Wheee.

Honestly, who believes this can work as a conversion tool? What will people learn about Xianity, except that it involves fighting the United Nations and racking up points for saving souls? Or is it just aimed at paranoid fundies so they can live out their end-of-the-world fantasies?

The sad thing is, there are people who take this stuff very seriously. In 1941, the prophecies were “not far from fulfillment” (no doubt because of World War II). Sixty-five years later, some people are still insisting the Apocalypse is almost at hand. Fifty years from now, sadly, I’m sure there’ll be more wars and famines and plagues for fundies to get excited about. I wish I could be witty about this, but really it’s just depressing. Millenial fundies really get turned on by wars and calamities, because it’s clear they hate this world and want it gone. Other people’s sufferings are not real to these loons, just a sign that they’ll get their reward. It’s just monstrously selfish.

Exhibit C: George W. Bush himself and his creepy fundie crowd. I’ll just let that speak for itself.